Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Postscript to "Open Letter to Cute Dude at The Post Office Store"

I've had quite an interesting response to yesterday's "Open Letter to Cute Dude at The Post Office Store," which quickly rocketed into O.H.M.'s top 5 most viewed posts of all time.

Realizing that not all loyal O.H.M. readers are necessarily privy to my own personal Facebook page or the Being John Malkovich/Stephen Colbert-esque/metaphysical/Only-in-Juneau events that unfolded there yesterday, I felt a postscript (pun intended) was in order.

Basically, a few of my predictions (or some variant thereof) came true, and a few observations are worth making:

1. Cute Dude at The Post Office Store (hereinafter "CDATPOS" for short) did, in fact, turn out to have a cool-sounding first name that could also double as a last name.

2. It took approximately two hours (not two weeks as I had predicted) for CDATPOS to obtain and post my open letter to his own Facebook page and the comments therein were completely adorable and fucking hilarious beyond belief.

3. CDATPOS also does, in fact, appear to be at least ten years younger than me. Possibly even twelve. Maybe even as many as fifteen. However many it is, it's a fucking horrifying number (albeit apparently not so horrifying as to be illegal).

4. CDATPOS acknowledged being flattered by my open letter, despite my admonition that he should not be.

5.  Someone suggested that CDATPOS become my "mistress." CDATPOS said, and I quote, "I don't think mistress is the term I'd use, but I'm definitely not against it. You can only suck on so many un-teethed nipples before you yearn for something more."

6. The above comment was, of course, a nod to my prediction that CDATPOS likely has a girlfriend with perky boobs un-chewed upon by babies, and it was too hilarious not to reprint verbatim. Really, I wish I had thought of this myself.

So that is the abridged postscript to "Open Letter to Cute Dude at The Post Office Store."

Oh, and for the record CDATPOS, if you're reading this--and I'm counting on the interwebs to see to it that you do so within two hours--let an old cougar take you back to school: 

I think the term you're looking for, technically, is "MISTER." 

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