Thursday, March 19, 2015

Downtown Juneau Haiku

Will I go this year?
Will I join a Klondike team?
No, I'd sooner die.

Legislative aides
In short skirts and black high heels
Like "Working Barbie."

Wearable Arts show
Did you see that one costume?
Man it was crazy!

Vaccines and fluoride
Where do you stand on these things?
Write the Assembly!

Are you pregnant now?
Not a C-Section, I hope?
You need a doula.

Dude, where is the snow?
There is no gnar pow this year
I'm leaving town now.

Rainbow Foods has yeast
Yeah, the nutritional kind
Tastes good on popcorn.

Let's go for a run!
What?! Aren't we drinking now?
God, I hate running.

What is that strong smell?
I think it is patchouli
Or essential oils.

Is it Folk Fest yet?
I need to find my fiddle
And also my clogs.

We have a cabin
This weekend that we can't use
Who wants to take it?

Why are there no spots?
They just built a giant lot!
Shit, what a cluster.

1 comment:

  1. My Juneau haiku:

    Skunk cabbage abounds
    Spring must be nearing its time
    I smell cannabis.

    Hark! is THAT a bear?
    My dog desires new friends,
    Yogi now her bud.

    Legislature speaks
    No raises for state workers
    Ramen not so bad.

    Dog has flatulence
    I wail, and I gnash my teeth
    Damn thee snausages!

    This coffee is good!
    Edible octane, with cream,
    Caffeine is our friend.

    Juneau Symphony
    Harmonic joy unto joys
    Volunteers be praised!

    Hideous blackboards
    On Main Street with fugly chalk
    That thing needs to die.

    Silverbow bagel
    Delicious raspberry spread
    Very overpriced.

    Look! Governor's House!
    Beautiful blue lights flooding
    Better than last two.

    Legislature says
    No raises for state workers
    Contract Shmontract Y'all.

    Blackboards I detest
    On Main Street of all places
    Makes us look stupid.

    CBJ, please kill
    Ugly blackboards on Main Street
    Before tourists see.

    Blackboards of doom, gloom.
    "Before I die, I want to..."
    Nobody cares!!!!

    Alright, I'm done bitching for tonight, but I do hope you would address those ugly fucking blackboards on Main Street. They need to go away. It is not art. Such things as writing "Before I die, I want to..." are for Facebook, not for a tourist city, and certainly not for an area one block south of Alaska's Capitol.

    And no one uses black boards anymore.

    This thing needs to go away, preferably before the tourists see it and wonder, "WTF?"


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