Tuesday, March 20, 2018

If Trump Has a Dick Pic, Dick Pics are Done.

That’s really all there is to it. 

Every trend, at a certain point, reaches its inevitable end. Sometimes things just fade out, like glam rock and airbrushed yearbook photos. One day they seem like they’ll be cool forever, and ten years later they look ridiculous.

But occasionally, there’s a sentinel event that basically kills a trend dead where it stands, and that’s what would happen to the medium of the dick pic were Trump to have a dick pic. 

Because at the point that Donald Trump’s dick exists on film or on a computer or smartphone for posterity, dick pics are over. Done. Finito. Stick a fork in it. No one can ever, EVER send a dick pic to anyone ever again.

Now women in 2018 are generally of two schools of thought on the dick pic. They’re either somewhere on the spectrum of revolted or indifferent, or they feel this is critical information they need to have in advance for some reason. 

But whichever category they fall into, nine out of ten will agree that the existence of a Trump dick pic will be the end of dick pics.

Trump, you understand, is categorically repulsive to women. Even the women who voted for him find him repulsive, I assume. And the only thing that could be more nauseating than Trump himself is Trump’s dick. Especially in a pic, which is statistically (and fortunately) the closest most of us would ever even theoretically get to Trump’s dick.

A friend suggested that perhaps the medium of the dick pic could be salvaged if the Trump dick pic was on oldschool film, which, given the timing of the Stormy Daniels situation, seems likely.

Regardless, I think it’s safe to say the dick pic will be done if Trump has one in any format; but even if it’s not, I still hope he does. 

Not because it matters. It doesn’t. 

There’s not a scandal in the world that can touch Teflon Don, least of all a scandal involving his dick. It’ll just be a super entertaining plot development for a week, and an opportunity to watch Sarah Huckabee Sanders squirm. 

And sadly, I think that’s really the most any of us can hope for right now.




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