Tuesday, January 9, 2018

The NATIONAL ANTHEM Rewritten in Bigly Words Trump Can Blunderstand

ICYMI, President Trump blatantly does not know all the words to the National Anthem. If you haven’t seen it, you MUST watch the cringe-inducing video of him trying to lip sync his way through the Star Spangled Banner at the National Football Game in Atlanta last night.

The failure of the President of the United States to know the national anthem of the country he is “leading” and that every fourth grader knows by heart MIGHT be less mind-boggling and offensive, perhaps, if he hadn’t dickishly spent the better part of his first year in office dragging the #TakeAKnee movement and grandstanding about patriotism and the flag like he was the reincarnation of Betsy Ross herself.

That’s okay though. I’ve rewritten the first stanza (fun fact: there are actually four) so that POTUS can blunderstand and derpmember:

O say can you see, by my phone’s early light
What so dumbly I tweet with no credible meaning
Whose lame gripes alt-right stars will re-tweet with delight
All the cable I watch, is so endlessly streaming
And with Fox set to blare, my head full of hot air
Gave proof through the night that my marbles ain’t there
O say will my word-mangled Twitter yet rave
O’er the internet all day and nuke us to the grave? 



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