Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Sarah Sanders is Thirsting Hard for those NRA Clicks, Y’all!

Hey y'all! I'm Sarah Huckabee Sanders and I'm here on Twitter, thirsting hard for some redneck street cred and NRA clicks, likes, and RTs.

See, I'm kind of trying to be the millennial Sarah Palin. Except Sarah Palin was and is (at least in terms of bona fide red-neckery) the real deal, whereas I make $165,000 a year greasing the wheels of a senile bigot's epic con on the American public.

Yee-haw, baby! 

Look at me holdin' my raaahfle with my hair curled up all naahce in my cammo jacket down at the shootin' range! See how down home and all-MURICAN I am? No one is more 'MURICAN than me! 

I'm so 'Murican, I can bake a pecan pie with flour I milled myself with my daddy's backhoe--or forkilft--or whatever it is!

I'm so 'Murican, I have a nest of bald eagles eating apple paaah off my roof!

I'm so 'Murican, the only song on my Spotify treadmill playlist is the National Anthem! 

I'm so 'Murican, I own every single rifle Smith & Wesson ever made!

I'm so 'Murican, I don't know the difference between your and you're!

I'm so 'Murican, my great-great-great-great-great-Grandpappy Silas Huckabee was the Captain of the Mayflower!

What? 

No? 

You mean according to my own Wikipedia page I've actually spent every moment since I was ten years old working for the very political consultants, campaigns, and politicians I spend all day distancing myself from?

Alongside my dad whose net worth is upwards of $9M? 

And if they made a redneck remake of 8 Mile I’d be Clarence?

Oh, um. Okay. Nevermind then.



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