Saturday, August 26, 2017

Trump Pardons Satan

Fresh off his presidential pardon of convicted criminal old man bigot controversial Arizona sheriffJoe Arpaio, President Donald Trump is deploying his newfound magical superpower to pardon none other than Satan Himself.

According to the Dark Lord's Wikipedia entry, Satan "is a figure appearing in the texts of the 
Abrahamic religions who brings evil and temptation, and is known as the deceiver who leads humanity astray." 

Though "Satan is generally viewed as having negative characteristics, some groups have very different beliefs."

And one of them is the Trump White House, which had this to say about the unorthodox presidential blessing of Beelzebub:   

Throughout his 25 centuries as All-Mighty Ruler of the Underworld, Satan, also known as Lucifer, continued his immortal work of affronting all that is righteous and good on this miserable slum of a planet," the statement read. "Satan is now 2,500 years old, and after more than 25 centuries of admirable service to the scourge of depraved humanity, Lucifer is (a) worthy candidate for a Presidential pardon.
The statement drew outcry from civil rights groups, scholars, and empathic leftist libtards, but whatever. Fuck those triggered special snowflakes. There are no snowballs in hell.

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