Thursday, August 24, 2017

Someone Did This to Denim and I AM SHOOK AF!

As the Police famously sang, when the world is going down, you make the best of what's still around. And what's still around, apparently, is this DELECTABLY hideous pair of denim peep-toe booties from Forever 21.

There are a lot of people and things that bring joy to my life. One of them is writing O.H.M. and another is the people who read it, because they send me THE BEST PICS. That's right. O.H.M. has the BEST WORDS & O.H.M. readers THE BEST PICS & IDEAS!

And so it was that one attentive reader sent me this, seen at a Forever 21 somewhere down in real America, I presume.

Where. Do. I. Even. Start.

This pair of shoes looks like Debbie Gibson donated her cat's old scratching post to the Hard Rock Cafe, and then the surviving members of TLC consulted with Karl Lagerfeld-for-K Mart on the design. But not before Tiffany Amber Thiesen from Saved by the Bell scissored up a pair of her cutoffs in a fit of rage over not making cheer squad, chewed them up, barfed them back up again, and then tied the scraps around the ankle of this bootie.

Like I hope the person who's first two toes poke out of these has some sick toenail fungus she picked up after a shady $12 pedicure in buttfuck Queens. 

Because that is the only possible improvement on this MUST HAVE pair of kicks. This crime against denim is so unconscionable--and yet so compelling--I'm gonna write it a poem:

Roses are red 
Skanky booties are blue
Denim is dead
And its grave is a shoe.

2 comments:

  1. I saw one of these boots in person and your poem was engraved on the sole.

    ReplyDelete