Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Kind of a Bummer That I am Not Going to Die in an Asteroid Strike

I mean it. 

It's dark, I know. And I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I don't actively WANT to die, and I certainly don't want to kill myself. It's just that dying in an asteroid strike would kind of solve like, a LOT of problems at once.

Know what I'm saying?

From small to large, I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Everything from "I have to poop on an airplane that hasn't even taken off yet, this crossword puzzle is way harder than it should be, and why are they playing Muzak Nirvana" to "I wonder if something bad will happen at work while I'm away" to "I hope my children outlive me" to "What if I never really know non-familial love in its purest form?" will be a moot point.

To say nothing of the YOOGE favor an asteroid strike would do for the whole planet. Sure it would destroy a bunch of species, but hopefully the little roaches and mice and shit would survive and the asteroid would just rid the universe of the scourge of humanity forever.

I don't even know what the Daily Wire is, so my only remaining hope is that this "assurance" of my NOT perishing in a fiery cosmic event is FAKE NEWS.

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