Monday, July 17, 2017

Is it Just Me, or is Julytober Next Level Depressing This Year?

Talking about the weather is boring AF, I know this; and I used to dismiss the impact of the weather on my mood. But after 12 years of living in Alaska, I'm starting to see the connection. 

The changes in light between winter and summer definitely impact my sleep cycles dramatically—I’ve always known that. Now I’m starting to think “Julytober” is taking its toll on my mental state as well.

I keep searching for explanations for why I have been so depressed the past week or so: missed life experiences; difficult relationships; professional and parental frustrations and shortcomings; generalized self-hatred; Alaska’s fiscal crisis; the collapse Democracy as We Know It™ etc.

It’s probably all of those things, but it’s compounded by this shit-ass late-June and July we’ve had with endless rain and cold temperatures. Several Juneau peeps separately mentioned to me—perhaps in solidarity—that they are in an epic funk right now, and Julytober seems a likely culprit.

There’s something about looking out your window all day into a cloud from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed, with no discernable change in light or weather—and staring into a never-ending blanket of gray. 

I realize it’s trite and stupid to complain about the rain when you’ve chosen to live in a rain forest, but really I’m not complaining so much as observing the fact that the monotony of gray can make a person feel genuinely crazy.

I realize, too, that I’ve grown pretty desperate for and dependent on at least a few decent weeks of real winter and summer each year, and when those don’t come along, I experience some genuine malaise.

A friend suggested drugging the water supply with antidepressants, and that even folks who objected to fluoride in the water a few years back are at this point so bummed out by the incessant bleak that they’d welcome a municipal intervention. Personally, I'd push for something stronger—like MDMA maybe.

Regardless, I think the time has come for me to get a S.A.D. light and make some sunny lemonade out of this trashass lemon of a July.

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