Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I Wish I Loved Anything as Much as Dudes Love Being Right

Honestly. 

I often have this thought. The thought that I wish I loved something—anything—as much as the average dude loves being right.

Advanced disclaimer for the salt and shade-throwers: this is #NotAllMen, nor is this “reverse sexism,” although there’s no such thing as either of those things, but yadda yadda beep boop boppity boop whatevs. That's a whole other can of worms to open on another day.

For argument’s sake, let’s just accept the basic premise of this post—a premise that I believe echoes most women’s experience, and the experience of most dudes who are honest with themselves right now: 

That there is no one—NO ONE--who loves anything more in this entire universe than a dude loves being right.

Right, correct, vindicated, a winner, nailed it, dead-on, whatever the word or expression. Everyone likes to be right. But dudes LOVE it. I mean, they REALLY love it. Dudes love being right SO FUCKING MUCH. 

They love it more than sex. They love it more than food. THEY FUCKING LOVE IT. 

When I looked at my kids devouring a flat of blueberries while standing at the kitchen counter yesterday, I thought to myself, “Wow. I wish I loved anything as much as my kids love blueberries.” Then I realized this was a weak metric. 

Because that very evening I went online to read about The Latest Shitty Thing to Happen in America. And it dawned on me that each time I do this, or get into a discussion with my husband about why his rage at Aetna's explanation of benefits is a stupid and unproductive waste of time, or I help a female friend navigate the insatiable desire of her male superiors to BE RIGHT AT ALL COSTS, I realize that loving blueberries is insufficient.

Nope. I want to love something as much as a dude loves being right. THAT is legit #LifeGoals.

I think most women will relate to this fantasy. Like it must feel SO GOOD to love something THAT MUCH. After breathing, blinking, and blame, rectitude is a dude’s number one instinct and first love, and I want that kind of love in my life. I want to know what that feels like.

With the exception of my children themselves, which of course are in an entirely different category from an evolutionary standpoint, I struggle to come up with something I love as much as dudes love being right about literally anything.

From the most trivial thing (e.g., Hertz shouldn't have charged extra for the rental car seat) to the most serious (gun control is necessary/unnecessary), I want to know what love is. 

Like the Foreigner song. I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is. I know you can show me. Show me love is real, yeah. I wanna know what love is. 

To #MostDudes: Be like Foreigner and show me what it means to love something as much as you love being right.

3 comments:

  1. Being "right" is an affirmation of one's own values. Trying to be "right" can be a fundamental goal and guiding principle. Caring is not as dangerous as not caring is. Taking a viewpoint which is broader than one's own and seeing the bigger picture, can lead to a more mature encompassing wisdom grander than one's own. That is the satisfaction of being "right."

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  2. To send you cheer, both of my daughters (age 30 and 33) call me 'dud'. A play on words and said lovingly but they do know the score. Seldom have I had the the right to be right. Early on, I'll admit, that that bothered me, them danged little wimins waiting to be, anyways! I will not comment on my spouses thoughts on your essay because, I suspect, she knows I haven't completely got over my patriarchal Slavic upbringing. I'll give myself a 'C' but will not poll the contingent for accuracy.

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