Friday, April 28, 2017

Selfie Drones are a Thing, Trump Thought Being POTUS Would be Easy, and Humanity Deserves a Viking Funeral Right Now

Not only are selfie drones a thing, but there are actually MANY different types of selfie drones, or "dronies," as they're called. 

So long, selfie sticks and regular old earth-bound smart phones! Selfies limited by the laws of gravity are SO last week. Pretty soon, the days of duck-lips in front of Incan ruins and a quick upload to the 'Gram will be over. Instead, a zillion little dronies will be hovering above your brunch, playing bumper-cams in the sky while vying for that perfect shot at narcissism.

Almost ten times a day, I find myself thinking that the universe should do the planet a favor and send humanity off in a Viking funeral somehow. Like just put us all on a boat, set it on fire, and push it out into the middle of the North Atlantic. Selfie drones are one more reason why. Yet another reason is this quote from Donald Trump in a recent interview he gave to Reuters:




In other words, the man LEGIT thought being the fucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES would be easier than shouting "You're fired!" on reality TV and putting his name on steak and water bottles.

M'kay. So, let's review.

"This is more work than in my previous life," said the President of the United States about being president. Unfortunately for his 322 million plebeian subjects, Trump's "previous life" bears a striking resemblance to his current life of endless golfing, frittering away inherited wealth on "amazing deals," and shameless self-promotion.

Trump thought being president would be easier, and the rest of us thought Trump getting to be president would be harder. Time for Trump to invest in a gilded, embossed selfie drone that flies over Mar-a-Lago all day and snaps him making his "this is serious" face. 

At this point, it's the only remaining thing that could salvage his credibility.





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