Sunday, April 23, 2017

At Least for Now, My Daughter is a Reverse Junkie

Phases. All kids have them, and the second you master the one they're in, BAM! It's on to the next one. It's like being forced to take calculus when you haven't even figured out algebra yet--multiple times. Or at least that's how it feels to me. I know because that actually happened to me. The calculus algebra thing. Whatever, that's another story.

The point is, Paige is in this phase right now that I'm loosely (and perhaps a bit crassly) labeling her "Reverse Junkie Phase."

She's completely unwilling to take any type of weak sauce Tylenol or Benadryl for stuff like fevers and hives, and she inspects every inch of her food before she cooks or eats it. You'd think she was one of those kids from Flowers in the Attic being fed arsenic donuts on the regular or something.

These habits will serve her well in adolescence, presuming she retains them, but right now it's a whole lot of "MOOOOOOM, what's this little brown thing in my oatmeal?"

And when I approach to look, I almost need a microscope to see what she's talking about. When I finally locate it, it's like one half of one oat that somehow got singed during its production. It's enough to put her off breakfast and necessitate a long explanation of exactly why she can safely consume half a singed oat in a bowl of oatmeal.

The worst, though, is when she's right, since this validates her whole semi-OCD'ish "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you" approach to food contaminants. 

Like she recently cracked an egg and noticed a little spot of blood in the yolk, which she immediately summoned me to address. It could be an old wives' tale for all I know, but for as long as I can remember I was told not to use those eggs. So when we threw it out, she was triumphant. 

"SEE?!?!," she crowed. Suddenly, every future attempt to give her a teaspoon of Tylenol or tell her that a pepper corn isn't mouse shit was a fait accompli.

For all I know, that whole bloody yolk thing started with another reverse junkie; but fine, whatever. 

Chalk one up for Paige.

UPDATE: I just Googled and of COURSE the bloody egg thing is bullshit. I'm retracting Paige's point.


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