Thursday, February 16, 2017

It Used to be That the Words "Up Your Ass" Meant Something

Used to be, the words "Up Your Ass" really meant something.

Why, I remember back when I was just a little girl, knee high to a fire hydrant, growing up in New York City. After a long hard day of sitting at a desk in a skyscraper, my Daddy would scream: "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!," or "HEY! UP YOURS, BUDDY!" out of our ninth story apartment window when a car alarm would go off at three in the morning, or when someone would try to jack a parking space out from under him in midtown Manhattan.

Now, "Up Your Ass" has lost all of its dignity. It's just a tiny little bumper sticker that some roughneck tree-hugging hooligan in Juneau, Alaska of all places will just go ahead and slap on someone's bumper in secret like a COWARD. 
Or even worse, its good name is defiled with jokes about gel suppositories and Donald Trump being Vladimir Putin's bottom bitch.

Well, I for one am not going to sit idly by--or bend over--while the words "UP YOUR ASS" are robbed of all meaning. "Up Your Ass" is one of the all-time best drags in the English language, and I'll get on all fours and let China itself give it to me for an hour straight with a latex purple strap-on before I let these three words be disrespected any longer.

Who's with me?! It's time to Make "Up Your Ass" Great Again.

#MUYAGA (has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? MOOYAGA!!!!)

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