Tuesday, January 17, 2017

This Hour in Whitesplaining: Ya Done Fucked Up, Deuce Bigalow, and Paul LePage Has Some Next Level Balls

For your daily edition of "This Hour in Whitesplaining," I give you washed-up, has-been "actor" and "comedian" Rob Schneider and Paul LePage, Governor of Maine.

Both of these blanched turds separately responded to civil rights icon and Georgia congressman John Lewis's statement that he doesn't consider Trump to be a "legitimate" president, a burn at which Our Dear Leader could not resist clapping back in a legitimately unpresidential fashion:



Now whatever you think of Rep. Lewis's comment or the fact that Trump implied 3/4 of Atlanta is "burning and crime-infested," it's obvious that: (1) "I can use all the help I can get" is the only honest thing Trump has ever said, albeit by accident; and (2) perhaps the last three people on earth who should be weighing in on this topic are Donald Trump followed quickly by Rob Schneider and Paul LePage.

First, Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo: You have to laugh-cry at the idea of the star of such frat fave cinematic tours de force as "The Hot Chick" and "Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo" taking a time-out on MLK Day to lecture a living civil rights legend who literally marched WITH MLK on the art of civil disobedience:



Let's keep in mind that this is the dudebro to whom Adam Sandler--himself a VERY UNFUNNY! and HIGHLY OVERRATED! former SNL cast member--keeps bankrolling and doling out idiotic pet projects. Each of which, bee-tee-dubs, flops with an atomic force commensurate to its total mediocrity. Please Rob: stick to terrible and obscure movies, have a seat, and delete your account. As you were.

Second, Paul LePage: ICMYI, this is the current Governor of Maine and the same feller who told the world in 2015 that strengthening Maine's campaign finance laws was equivalent to "giving your wife the checkbook." Natch, I have previously covered his exploits in O.H.M.:
For those who might not be familiar with the fine work of Maine's 74th Governor, Paul LePage took office in 2011 and since then has best been known for the following acts of statesmanship: Vindictive and record-high use of the veto power; blatant nepotism; refusal to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. Day; commenting that the worst thing about BPA-laden plastic is that it gives women "little beards" when they microwave it (and then vetoing a bill to ban the substance--kinky!); removing a mural in a state office building depicting Maine's labor movement because businesses didn't like it; calling his own state employees "corrupt bureaucrats"; declaring the enforcement of federal health care reform "the new Gestapo"; commenting that reading the Maine newspapers is like "paying someone to tell you lies"; noting that "President Obama hates white people"; and complaining that his political opponents were trying to "give it to the people without Vaseline," apparently implying that they were fucking Maine citizens up the ass sans lube.
Now all of that takes a pretty big pair of stones, but this next gem, which LeSplooge delivered on the radio and for which Twitter dragged him mercilessly, is TRULY some next-level balls: 
John Lewis ought to look at history. It was Abraham Lincoln that freed the slaves. It was Rutherford B. Hayes and Ulysses S. Grant that fought against Jim Crow laws. A simple 'thank you' would suffice.
As we say in my hometown of NYC when someone clowns at this level,"OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!!!!!"  Seriously LePage?? Besides having just flunked the history segment of "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?," you literally asked an icon of the Civil Rights Movement to FUCKING THANK WHITE PEOPLE FOR ENDING SLAVERY AND JIM CROW LAWS BOTH OF WHICH THEY STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

That's like asking a rape victim to thank a rapist for wearing a condom. Instead, how 'bout we simply thank Paul LePage to never open up his apple pie a-la-mode hole ever again. 

C'mon you two. Stay in your lane and get your lives right, will ya??





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