Wednesday, January 11, 2017

My Ears are Bleeding and We are All BEYOND Fucked!

From the following auditory assaults inflicted on us during Trump's "press conference:"
  • Spokesman Sean Spicer: "The fact that BuzzFeed and CNN made the decision to run with this unsubstantiated claim [#GoldenShowerGate] is a sad and pathetic attempt to get clicks." (Oh reeeeeeeeeeeally? Like how 8 years of birtherism was Trump's sad and pathetic attempt to undermine Obama for personal fame and profit. Also, this guy is catching the Trump speech bug of overusing the words "sad" and "pathetic." Waiting for a "loser").
  • Trump on Jobs: "We're going to create jobs. I said that I will be the greatest jobs producer that God ever created." (Now God is in the business of making "deals?" M'Kay).
  • Trump on Inauguration: "I look very much forward to the inauguration. It's going to be a beautiful event. We have great talent, tremendous talent. The 20th is going to be something that will be very, very special; very beautiful." (Great, tremendous, beautiful, and four verys! America does love a good show).
  • Trump on #GoldenShowerGate: "It's all fake news. It's phony stuff. It didn't happen. And it was gotten by opponents of ours, as you know, because you reported it and so did many of the other people. It was a group of opponents that got together--sick people--and they put that crap together . . . President Putin and Russia put out a statement today that this fake news was indeed fake news. They said it totally never happened." (Pot meet kettle. Totally. Also, "gotten by" = choice grammar. And also, Russia said it never happened? Awesome. Case closed).
  • Trump on Russia Hacking: "As far as hacking, I think it was Russia." (Recall that you literally asked them to hack the election during the campaign, so, um, good job).
  • Trump Referring to Himself in the Third Person: "If Putin likes Donald Trump, I consider it an asset not a liability . . . If Putin likes Donald Trump, guess what, folks? That's called an asset, not a liability." (Seriously only very, very, very, very SICK individuals commit the grammatical DISASTER of referring to themselves in the third person; the asset v. liability question is up for debate, unfortunately).
  • Trump on Miss Universe: "I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well." (Gotta get that plug in for the beauty pageant. Yes, we are still talking about beauty pageants).
  • Trump on His Business Sacrifices: "Over the weekend, I was offered $2 billion to do a deal in Dubai with a very, very, very amazing man, a great, great developer . . . a friend of mine, great guy . . . and I turned it down. I didn't have to turn it down." (Such a martyr. Again with three verys, one amazing, AND three greats!)
  • Trump Lawyer Sherri Dillon: "The primary conflicts of interest statutes, and some have questioned it, is Section 18 USC 208 and it's simply inapplicable by its terms."(This was my fave moment of all. Here's some Con Law 101 for Sherri: the emoluments clause "trumps" any act of congress. You're welcome, that'll be $550). 


Image result for bleeding ears
Fandom.com

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