Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Many People are Saying that Jeff Sessions and Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter are the Same Person

I don't know if it's true or not--this is just a rumor at this point. All I can tell you is that many, many credible sources have called to tell me they are 99.9% sure that Jeff Sessions and Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter are the same person.

Think about it: Have you ever seen Jeff Sessions and Peter Pettigrew together? Even when Peter was living as his alter-ego animagus, Ron Weasley's pet rat, Scabbers? I didn't think so! 

And when you look at the other similarities, the entire thing starts to look VERY SUSPICIOUS. Look at the evidence:
  • "Peter Pettigrew" was nicknamed "Wormtail," and "Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions" is nicknamed "Jeff." If you rearrange the letters in those four names, some of the letters are common to all. 
  • Peter Pettigrew first reunited with Voldemort in the forests of Albania, in order to enter into the Dark Lord's service. Sessions reunited with Vladimort (a.k.a. Trump) in the forests of Alabama, in order to enter into the Dark Lord's service.
  • Jeff Sessions is a vocal opponent of pretty much anything that his Christian faith would suggest he look upon with some degree of charity: LGBT people, sick people, women, minorities, and immigrants. Similarly, Peter Pettigrew masqueraded as a sewer rat before his true identity as something even worse than a sewer rat was revealed.
  • Jeff Sessions and Peter Pettigrew are both of English ancestry.
  • Both have earned a "zero" rating from the Human Rights Campaign.
  • Same freckle on forehead and same exact ears.
Something is going on. I hope the Senate does its due diligence on this appointment. I don't think it's too much to ask for Jeff Sessions to produce a birth certificate confirming once and for all that he is not, in fact, secretly Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter.

The dishonest media is giving us all a bunch of fake news by not making a bigger story out of this. VERY SERIOUS.

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