Sunday, December 4, 2016

Inside My Head as I Try to Choose the Right Emoji

I must be the only person on earth who spends this long choosing the right emoji when texting or messaging. And yet, how can anyone NOT spend a long time pondering this crucial choice?

There are so many of these little faces and I don't know what a lot of them mean. Like that purple guy with devil horns and the guy who has two walrus tusks of smoke coming out of his mouth. And all the cats. What the fuck is that? 

To say nothing of the random Japanese food and the eggplant. Though eggplant + hand + water drops = hilarious handjob. Then the question of what skin color to use for the hand comes up because you don't want to seem racist or presumptuous.

I kind of rue the day emojis ever got to be a thing. Then I never would have sent that accidental flan to a colleague that one time. God that was awkward. Even to have flan in my most recently used emojis speaks very poorly of me, I think...

What if I choose the wrong expression and its misinterpreted as flirty when it's meant to be ironic? Or as serious when it's supposed to be sarcastic? Or I send the blue forehead guy when I meant to use the sunglasses dude? 

The subtext of some of these is too confusing, subjective, and could result in a serious miscommunication I'm afraid.

Okay . . . there. Back to the old standbys: winking guy, cry/laughing guy, the pill, and poo. 

Now look. I've spent more time searching for the right emoji than it would have taken me to literally describe in words the sentiment I think this emoji is trying to convey.

Fucking emojis. I wish there was an emoji to express how much I hate emojis.

1 comment:

  1. If you can make up your mind to not use emoticons (what they were called back in the beginning before someone decided that a japanese word was more cool) you will take the first giant step towards satori. Now, If your mind immediately flashed on the emoji to go with satori, all is lost! Finding the 'right' emoji is the exact same as trying to find the right herpes.

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