Thursday, December 8, 2016

5 Morning Workouts That Will Make You Say, "On Second Thought,How 'Bout I Just Sit on Your Face Instead?"

Lots of women are looking for that magic workout that will be quick, easy, and get results fast--especially in the morning when our metabolism is at peak levels for exercise. But what most women don't realize is that it's hella easier to start doing those workouts, stop to think for a second, and then say to your bae, "you know what, fuck it, I'ma just sit on your face instead, m'kay?"

Downward-Facing Dog: You could get into a position that makes you look and feel like someone or something is going to eff you in the no-no, all in the hopes that your ass will look toned as a result. OR, you can turn the tables on that power dynamic and say, "know what, babe? I'ma just grab a quick moustache ride right now, k?"

Jumping Jacks: Get your heart racing with this old school calisthenic! You'll feel like Olivia Newton John doing these right at your bedside, and after you do one or two you can just kick your man in the ribs gently but with purpose and be like, "Actually, I'm just gonna get my workout in by humping your head instead. S'that cool witchoo?"

Wall Sits: Tighten your thighs right there on the wall of your bedroom with 40 seconds of wall-sitting, or actually fuck it, just put dudebro's face in a thigh vice, check to see if he's breathing every once in awhile, and kill two birds with one stone.

Jog-in-Place: Put on a sports bra and run in place like a total asshole for a few seconds, before deciding that no, that's actually stupid and makes your boobs hurt, so sorry, your man is just gonna have to eat poon for breakfast.

Push-Ups: A handful of push-ups every morning will tone your upper body all while making you tell your guy, "actually, I'm taking a hard pass on these push-ups, so your face is gonna hafta take a hard pass up in here, whaddya say?"


Photo: Fitness/Classpass

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