Thursday, December 8, 2016

12 Inspirational Quotes Rewritten for Alaskan Winter

1. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Unless you're part of both the solution and the problem, in which case your name is Hot Toddy.

2. If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor, unless the thing that's in neutral is your car, the situation of injustice is your icy driveway, and the oppressor is gravity. Gravity is a bitch.

3. Be the moose you wish to see eating a rotting jack-o'-lantern off your neighbor's porch in the world.

4. It always seems impossible until it's done, but if the "it" is chopping and collecting (and collecting and chopping) wood for your wood stove, it actually is impossible for that to ever be done, so forget about it.

5. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, and by "injustice" I mean garbage and by "justice" I mean bears, and by "everywhere" I mean my deck, even in November somehow.

6. Well behaved women seldom make history, but Alaskan women often make some pretty kick-ass jam and pancakes out of all those berries in their chest freezer and will bring that shit to a potluck if you're lucky.

7. Change happens when you finally get that remote-starter and brand new snow tires for your truck that you've always wanted.

8. The arc of the Alaskan Winter is long, but it bends toward enough miles to go to Maui near the end of February if you play your cards right and decide not to waste time and money expanding your cable TV package after all.

9. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a bunch of rowdy drunk people cheering on mushers in Willow all the way up the Skwentna.

10. Don't count the missed approaches, make the missed approaches count for vouchers.

11. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives, so it's a good thing there are only about 120 days a year in which we almost break every bone in our body slipping on black ice on the way to the Post Office.

12. It's better to light a candle than curse the outrageous price of heating oil despite the allegedly tanking oil economy, just saying.

No comments:

Post a Comment