Wednesday, December 28, 2016

10 Signs that America is a Friend to Israel

Everyone loves to debate whether America is, was, and/or forever will be a "friend to Israel." I'm not here to debate mid-east policy or point out that Netanyahu is crazier than Donald Trump with or without Twitter. I'm simply an American Jew who can read the signs that the United States is indeed "a friend to Israel." 

Here's how I know:

1. The U.S. just followed Israel on Insta and left like, six comments telling Israel how cute it was.

2. Israel and the U.S. just split two halves of a best friends forever heart necklace.

3. Israel and the U.S. showed up to the UN dressed as twins.

4. Israel and the U.S. added each other to their list of VIPs and favorites in their contacts.

5. Israel and the U.S. are totally going on spring break together in Cancun.

6. Israel was really into Russia and the U.S. orchestrated a secret date for them at the mall food court.

7. Israel totally let the U.S. borrow its Cliff Notes for "the Diary of Anne Frank" test in English class.

8. Israel wanted to get a makeover and the U.S. totally came over and French braided its hair and helped give it a smoky eye.

9. One time Russia was a total jerk to the U.S. and Israel didn't talk to Russia for like a week.

10. The U.S. covered for Israel when Israel snuck out of the house to do some sketchy shit with settlements this one time.

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