Newly divorced mom-friend Steph Wilson is successfully making her friend Tina Smith's marriage look increasingly bleak with reports of a raging monsoon of dick raining down on her nightly.
"OMG, Tina, you won't believe what he just texted me," Steph whispered, leaning over to display her phone and a text message from a person identified in her contacts only as "Jake 3."
"Only 1 hour til I have u all 2 myself. Will cook u 5 course meal then have you for dessert lol [smile/heart emoji]"
Tina asked her which Jake this was again, the smoke jumper with the scruffy beard and shaggy brown hair or the fighter pilot with a six pack, but Steph informed her it was yet a third Jake who picked her up at a bar last week, thus upgrading the dick hurricane to a Category 5.
Tina then immediately demanded to see Jake #3 on Facebook, and was not at all surprised to learn he was a brain surgeon with two huskies whose profile pic showed him at the finish line of a triathlon.
"Let's go out dancing Saturday!" Steph suggested, since her ex had the kids that night. Sadly, Tina was forced to decline, as she and her husband had a date to work on their joint tax returns while watching "72 Cutest Animals" on Netflix.