Sunday, October 9, 2016

Millions of Americans to Watch Cornered Animal Yell at a Smart Grandmaon Live TV

Millions of Americans are expected to tune in tonight to watch 90 minutes of a cornered, foaming-at-the-mouth, rust-colored wild animal scream his head off at a smart and semi-awkward grandma on live television.

The event is predicted to draw as many as 100 million viewers nationwide, for Americans are very interested in hearing regular, boring folks like themselves ask stilted, awkward, scripted questions off notecards in order to find out which of the two participants in this ridiculous spectacle can respond in the most outrageously stupid and offensive or inscrutably wonky fashion.

Everyone wants to see a porcine, orange-hued, impulsive charlatan burst a blood vessel in his head knowing that a pussy in a pants suit is standing four feet away from him, out of reach, and yet capable of throwing a metaphorical monkey wrench into his delusional dreams for world domination at any moment.

Conversely, viewers will want to tweet about how prepared-but-boring the civic workhorse grandma is, and will likely leave the room to microwave some popcorn the minute she starts going on about NATO or statistics or something.

It's gonna be great.

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