Tuesday, October 11, 2016

List of People Who Are Not Running for President and Whose Alleged Mistreatment of Pussies is Therefore Irrelevant to the Public Discourse on Pussies

Although our founding fathers couldn't have been thinking of this when they invoked "the body politic," let's be clear that the following people's alleged mistreatment of pussies has zero bearing on whether we should care that someone running for President has confessed to (or at a minimum) promoted sexual assault on tape:

1. Christian Grey
2. Women who read/bought 50 Shades of Grey
3. BeyoncĂ© 
4. Rappers
5. Bill Clinton
6. Singers who grab their own pussies 
7. Literally everyone who's not running for president.

The end.

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