Thursday, October 6, 2016

Holy Shitballs! This New Horror Movie About the Scary White Suburbs from Jordan Peele is Suddenly My Everything and I Need to See it Immediately

February is the Tuesday of the year, in that it's invariably bleak AF and sucks balls. But this February is going to be a vast improvement over Februaries past, if only because Jordan Peele (of genius Comedy Central sketch duo Key & Peele) has made what appears to be a legit foray into the horror genre. 

I used to love horror movies until I had kids. Then I stopped watching them because I discovered that real life was much scarier than any movie could ever be, and the last thing I needed in my free time was a voluntary assault to my nerves. 

But now I'm going to have to make an exception for Get Out.

I must have watched the trailer for Get Out 10 times before bed last night, and it fucking STALKED MY DREAMS. So proceed with caution. (Specifically, the woman who keeps shaking her head and saying "no no no no no no no no no no" in response to the main character's observation that too many white people in the same place freak him out is THE CREEPIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

This movie looks like some Tom Hanks The Burbs meets M. Night Shyamylan's Sixth Sense meets Guess Who's Coming to Dinner-type shit, and it promises to be doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope.

I've always been a wee bit scared of the 'burbs, even though I grew up in a predominantly Jewish and Irish neighborhood in the Bronx that is basically indistinguishable from a suburb save for its many apartment buildings and frequent auto theft. But it was still in the confines of the five boroughs, and therefore not as creepy as Westchester or Long Island.

From what I can glean about the plot from the trailer and IMDB, the main character is dating Brian Williams' daughter from HBO's Girls, and goes for a weekend road trip to meet the parents in Cracker Town. Turning the whole "the suburbs are safe and the city is scary" stereotype on its head, Allison William's shadester mom (played by Catherine Keener) appears to be hypnotizing black folk, lobotomizing them in some form or fashion, and holding them hostage on the grounds of her sprawling estate.

WUT.

Although I fully plan to see this the second it hits theaters in Juneau, any New Yorker worth her salt will understand why I really, REALLY wish I could see it on opening night on 125th and B'Way or 86th and Lex instead. Seriously I might have to make a special trip home to NYC for that purpose alone.


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