Thursday, September 15, 2016

Terrified Fourth Grader Encounters Real-Life Bogeyman in Broad Daylight

With a terrified look in her eye that very clearly says, "Someone--anyone--please help me--the bogeyman just emerged from under my bed and is grabbing my wrist really hard right now," 9 year-old Amariyanna Copeny, also known as "Little Miss Flint," apparently hasn't suffered enough living in a city whose municipal water supply was poisoned with toxic metals thanks to the craven, morally bankrupt adults in charge of such things.

Now, on top of the base indignity of brushing her teeth with 1970's paint chips in 2016 America, Amariyanna is being forced to participate in a photo-op with none other than the real life bogeyman!

The bogeyman "is a common allusion to a mythical creature in many cultures used by adults to frighten children into good behavior. This monster has no specific appearance, and conceptions about it can vary drastically . . . the bogeyman is usually a masculine entity, but can be any gender, or simply be androgynous."

Originally, Amariyanna thought the bogeyman would look sort of like the Beast from Disney's Beauty and the Beast, but now it's clear he more closely resembles an overweight charlatan of a real estate developer from Manhattan. With a whip of banana cotton candy hair, a rusty-orange face that matches the corroded pipes running beneath the sidewalks of her hometown, and a chilling, porcelain rictus grin, this bogeyman is scarier than anything little Amariyanna could ever have imagined at bedtime.

When this photo was taken, the bogeyman was in the process of feeling for a pulse, as he is known to be very curious about animate beings with warm blood flowing through their veins.

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1 comment:

  1. What an incredible picture! It's rare to see pure beauty and raw ugliness juxtaposed. Especially beauty so young and so terrified. She looks as if she just learned that the jack-o'-lantern that grabbed her was actually her dentist! Compare this with her greeting Obama.

    As a side note: the goon in the background with one of those springy coiled control wire implants coming from behind his ear and doing the 'lapel Glock conceal' is a spittin' likeness of one of Joe Miller's Stoßtruppen.

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