Friday, September 2, 2016

"Taco Trucks on Every Corner": Empty Threat, or Empty PROMISE?!

It's official: Donald Trump and tacos are a match made in immigration policy heaven.

The single solitary Latino dude that Trump managed to unearth to speak on his behalf got some guac on his face today when the internet fucking owned him harder than a frozen tamale for threatening promising "taco trucks on every corner" if the U.S.A. doesn't check its immigration game. 

The "threat" backfired for one obvious reason, which is that--HOLA HERMANO?!?--THERE IS NOT A PERSON ALIVE WITH WORKING TASTE BUDS WHO WOULD NOT WELCOME A TACO TRUCK ON EVERY CORNER IN AMERICA!

Now, I say this as a person who has never met a taco she doesn't like. From the crumbly Ortega brand ghetto-ass taco shells and MSG-drenched, greasy taco meat my mom would serve up with shredded cheddar, chopped tomatoes, and iceberg lettuce on a Corningware plate in my childhood home, to the chicken tacos at the "Breeze-In" convenience store in Juneau that you order off a touch screen with a side of fries, to a late night munchies stop at Taco Bell, to a gourmet pulled pork/carne asada taco with 18 different salsas plus fresh cilantro on it, there is not one taco (or three) that is unwelcome in my face. 

EVER!

And I'm not the only American who feels that way, as the Trump surrogate, Marco Gutierrez, learned the hard way when Twitter burned him worse than a ghost chili on its way out the back door with the hashtag #TacoTrucksOnEveryCorner.

The only possible explanation for Mr. Guiterrez's gaffe is that he was trying to make up for Trump's infamous "taco bowl tweet," in which a rabid orangutan with a corn silk wig was pictured poised to dive into a "best taco bowl" ever made by the Trump Tower Grill.

Regardless, it appears Trump has chosen Mexican cuisine as the hill he wants his campaign to die on, and I for one could not be happier about it.



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