Sunday, September 18, 2016

Social Media Dictionary of Low Self Esteem

KNOWMO: When you see someone's pics on Facebook of everyone hanging out without you, and you not only fear you're missing out, you know it.

Cleanse Schadenfreude: When someone announces they're "taking an indefinite break from social media" and you see them back on there in three days.

News Hole: When you read about breaking news on Facebook or Twitter and then go down an Internet rabbit hole looking for more detailed information.

Ex-Lurk: When you periodically check up on your exes to see whether they appear to be more miserable than you. (Spoiler alert: they never do).

Instagramsomnia: When you get up to pee, check the time on your phone to see how much longer until the alarm, and then make the mistake of opening Instagram.

Profile Flag-Filter Cynicism: When Facebook encourages you to filter your profile picture with a flag in support of a cause or a tragedy, and you know they're just doing it for marketing data.

KY-Jelly Rage: When you see the sixth ad in as many days for KY-Jelly pop up in your news feed and are forced to wonder what this says about you.

Troll Fatigue: When you're tired of trolls on Twitter and come THIS CLOSE to deleting your account.

Trump Fatigue: When you feel like you'll die if you read one more Tweet about Donald Trump.

Where's Waldo?: When you stare at the background of people's photos for objects they didn't mean to have in there like bongs, packages bearing their home address, and books by Chelsea Handler.

Filter Study: When you squint really hard at someone's pics to try to determine (for future personal use and reference) what filter they used to make themselves and their surroundings look 10x better than they were in real life.


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