Monday, September 19, 2016

Sit the Fuck DOWN, Bitches! This Mom Wins!

Remember when you lost all your baby weight 8 weeks after your kid was born, bent yourself like a pipe cleaner into impossible yoga poses, stuck a baby on your titty, got someone to photograph you, and then posted it all over Instagram?

What no? I didn't think so, BITCH. That's because you're not Carlee Benear of Texas, who did all of the above! At least four times!! Twice next to a neatly-made bed with a canopy AND a dream catcher!

IN YOUR FACE, BITCHES!!

Whaaaaat?? She's not trying to give new meaning to "flexing for the 'Gram." She's just trying to share her good vibes, excellent body, and superior mothering with the world. 

So all you negative haters can just stop hating and BE HAPPY FOR CARLEE. She can't help it. Remember that old Pantene commercial from the 80s? With Kelly LeBrock? Don't hate her because she's beautiful. Words to live by, so get over your shit, and stop trying. (Yes, yes, Kelly LeBrock washed up on Celebrity Fit Club but whatevs).

There's peace on earth now, 'cause the Mommy Wars are officially over, and Carlee won. Center yourself with mindfulness in breath and the deep, spiritual inner knowing that you're a fucking loser. One who can't touch your toes and feeds your kid Enfamil from a plastic bottle while passing out on a Naugahyde sectional in your living room in the middle of a Bridezillas marathon.

Did I mention this is Carlee's third kid? Oh I didn't? (You would know that if you followed her Insta).

NAMASTE, BITCHES. NA. MA. STAY!!!!








1 comment:

  1. I wish that that one could post pics along with text as I have a real beauty of a suckling attached during yoga....

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