I can't. I just can't do it.
I'm really glad I have a trial starting tomorrow and missed the "debate." A debate in which (from what I can glean off Twitter and ever-proliferating memes) a belligerent, unhinged lunatic within grasp of what is arguably the most important office in the world blustered predictably at his opponent whose biggest comparative deficit for the job is a vagina.
What else is new?
The only thing worse than the "debate" itself is watching a media circus echo chamber of 800 talking heads dissecting every word and gesture, while telling you what to make of it all.
Here are 8 things I'd rather do than watch and/or listen to Donald Trump say words, much less participate in a "debate."
1. Get anally probed by aliens.
2. Sit on hold for a week with Apple tech support.
3. Eat glass.
4. Read 1,000 pages of Bates Stamped discovery.
5. See One Direction in concert.
6. Attend a sales pitch for time shares.
7. Blow half the Bundy Militia.
8. Read Kim Kardashian's coffee table book of selfies from cover to cover. TWICE.
I have three words for this "debate": control, alt, delete.