What? Haha! No no no, this isn't ME. But if it sounds like YOU, you're in luck, because O.H.M. has curated 5 sexy swimsuits for your fall trip out of darkness on a PFD special (plus miles) to Kona. And the best part? You can rock all these looks without spending a single dollar or second to de-natch your snatch!
1. Breezy, flirty, and fun, this layered pink swim skirt will tell the whole beach that your pubes stop just above the knee! (Abs, titties, and Adobe Photoshop (TM) sold separately).
2. You don't even have to shave your treasure trail to look bangin' in this sizzling charcoal black two piece. It's the perfect look to advertise to the universe that your lady parts haven't seen the business end of a razor since last July!
3. Those 1930's moms were onto something! This retro vintage classic polka dot bikini is great for hot moms who want to feel on trend, but actually really need that high-waisted, low-lying bottom because they gave birth to two kids and their bush is the fucking Congo right now.
5. To rock this look, it helps if your body was created in two dimensions, kinda like a cardboard cutout of Jennifer Lopez. But even if it wasn't, you can still totally get away with trimming zero of your trim in this bouncy skirt that announces quite plainly to all who see it that Ferdinand Magellan would get irretrievably lost up in that shit.