Thursday, August 25, 2016

There's Something Deeply Satisfying About Swipe/Delete

Of all the modern marvels contained within the 6 x 3 x 1 inch confines of a smart phone (besides the eggplant and nectarine emojis, which--pro tip--make a pretty good dick n' balls substitute), by far the best is "swipe/delete." 

There is something deeply satisfying about swipe/delete. More satisfying, I mean, than just trashing emails the old school way with a mouse or touch-pad on a laptop or desktop computer. This meme I found really says it all. I fucking LOVE swipe/delete, and I wish I could swipe/delete the whole entire world sometimes, in real life.

But since I obviously can't do that without going to prison for a long time, I have to settle for relishing the feeling of swipe/deleting texts, emails, and Facebook Messenger messages. 

I pretend to be swipe/deleting these things to minimize electronic clutter and save room on my phone, both of which are true. But I mainly do it because I so enjoy the feeling of committing electronic murder/nuclear annihilation.

I get a sort of mini-rush of adrenaline when I swipe/delete something from a person whose name, face, writings, or memory I simply want to jettison into the deepest corner of the most remote Antarctic sea at that particular moment. There's nothing quite like that sensation of taking my finger, running it across the screen of my phone with a flourish, and watching this person's communication to me--and all of the seething rage and emotional baggage that go along with it--disappear into the red-labeled trash ether forever. 

It's like the virtual reality version of hanging up on someone, dropping the mic, slamming the door, throwing a plate against a wall, or punching someone in the junk. And it's even better than blocking someone on Twitter or unfriending them on Facebook, because they'll never even know you swipe/deleted them into oblivion. 

DELICIOSO!!!!!

Image result for i love swipe delete

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