Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Surely It Must Be SOME Woman's Fault that Carlos Danger Can't Keep His Dick Out of Cyberspace and Preferably That Woman is Running for President

Cast your minds back for a moment, if you will, to Anthony Weiner, the aptly-named Congressman and one-time mayoral hopeful from NYC whose "rising" political career was, er, rendered flaccid by his self-destructive compulsion to not once--but TWICE--distribute dick pics on his phone to female recipients. Now caught this week dick-picin' for the THIRD time, Weiner has reportedly deleted his Twitter account (finally), and should probably go one step further and just delete his entire phone.

(Side bar: if you have a dick and are thinking of sending a woman a pic of it, I have a word of advice for you: Don't. I'm not advising against dick pics because I think it's a bad idea to send naked pictures of yourself necessarily, because what's a couple of titties among consenting adult friends? Alls I'm sayin' is there ain't a woman alive who wants to see a pic of ANYONE'S dick pop up on her phone or computer).

Now most of us have engaged in some sort of texting or internet shenanigans at some point in our lives, but most of us are not trying to be elected to public office, and none of us is married to Hillary Clinton's top aide, Huma Abedin. I guess the third time's a charm, because the long-suffering Huma finally said "Bye, Felicia!" to Carlos Danger (Weiner's pathetically hilarious and hilariously pathetic online alias) in light of the fact that Weiner was once again caught with a phone in his pants, sexting dick pics to his bottomless well of internet baes, this time while lying next to his and Huma's preschool-aged son!

So now of course the question becomes: what woman can we blame for the fact that Anthony Weiner can't keep his dick out of cyberspace, and can that woman PLEASE ultimately be Hillary Clinton? The answer for many in the media is, it turns out, BY ALL MEANS, YES!

According to the New York Times, Weiner's humongo Weiner has "cast a shadow on the adviser and confidante who has been by Mrs. Clinton's side for the past two decades." Also, Weiner's dick "threatens to remind voters about the troubles in the Clinton's own marriage over the decades, including Mrs. Clinton's much-debated decision to remain with then-President Bill Clinton after revelations of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky." 

And, natch, Trump via Twitter is "worried for the country" because "Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information." If by "highly classified information" Trump means Anthony Weiner's junk, and if by "close proximity" he means the inside of a pair of too-snug boxer-briefs, then yes, Hillary was totes careless and negligent in allowing proximity to that. Surely it was all her idea!

Someone at The Washington Post believes Weiner's "questionable decisions are ensnaring his wife, one of Hillary Clinton's top aides, by raising questions about her decision to leave their son alone with her husband while she's on the campaign trail." The LA Times jumped aboard, calling Huma a "liability" to Mrs. Clinton. Others however, like Judd Legum at ThinkProgress, have helpfully noted the obvious problem in blaming women for their husbands' infidelities and poor judgment: IT'S NOT THEIR FUCKING FAULT.

Because let's be honest: If Huma and Hillary were dudes, and were treated by their wives in this manner, it would be ALL THEIR FAULT, right? Wrong! Nope. Then, they would just be poor, sympathetic menfolk cuckolded by sluts. Move on, run along; nothing to see here.

But since Huma and Hillary are women, they are obvs personally responsible for what Anthony Weiner does with his dick and his smart phone at 2:00 a.m. And not only that, but thanks to these two dumb broads, Anthony Weiner's dick is now a direct threat to national security.


Photo: NYT

1 comment:

  1. SO SPOT ON!!! OMG! This should be a national headline and article!!!!! PS I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog. So much awesome.


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