Monday, July 11, 2016

What the Actual Fuck Is This?

That's what I asked my friend who texted me a picture of the following:


And here is a screenshot of our text exchange about it: 

I meeeeeeean . . . Wow. Just . . . wow. Wowowwowwowwoooooooooow.

I love how they specify that something called "yummy nummies" on sale at JoAnn Fabrics is "artificially flavored," because that fact would otherwise have eluded me. 

I showed this fast food edible chemistry set to some friends at dinner this weekend. One of them was duly horrified, and I assured her I would sooner and quite literally let my kids eat handfuls of dirt and grass off the traffic median outside than I would allow them to ingest this kit of burger-flavored "kitchen magic" chemicals. And that's coming from a mother who's not exactly a purist about denying my kids shit like Cheez-Its and Fruit by the Foot.

Her husband then pulled up a YouTube video of someone actually mixing one of these kits together, and it soon became clear that like all good tech, this food-esque kit of water soluble McDonald's dust originated in Japan. Closer inspection of the label revealed that it has clearly been translated from a language other than English.

This "best ever burger maker" gives new meaning to the concept of fast food, the proliferation of which is still confusing to my Alaskan-born children.

"Look!" Paige exclaimed. "A Waffle House NEXT to a McDonald's!" As if she couldn't believe two fast food joints could ever exist in the same zip code. Then again, she said of the Atlanta Airport Hilton Garden Inn, "This hotel is soooooo FANCY!"

So, um, there's that. Then again, they DID have "French milled" soap!


1 comment:

  1. I followed your recommendation and I have to say that the result of the taste test was that the Nummies beat out the Neutrogena in taste but not mouthfeel.

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