Saturday, July 16, 2016

Surprise, Surprise. Finnish Babies Make American Babies Look Like a Bunch of Fuckin' Chumps

That's my verdict upon coming across this article in the New York Times, while taking a break from reading everything I could find about Hiddleswift (if you have to ask, you'll never know).

As far as I'm concerned, this article was the final exhibit of proof in America's long, painful capital trial leading to a conviction that the nation is dead in the soul beyond any reasonable doubt.

Apparently you guyyeeees, Finland has the lowest infant mortality rate in the world, because it gives every new mom 10 months of paid maternity leave, a guaranteed return to their job anytime before the kid turns three, and oh wait: A FUCKING BOX FILLED WITH BABY SUPPLIES THAT TURNS INTO A CRIB.

Basically, "fend-for-your-damn-self-now-that-you're-not-a-fetus-anymore" American babies look like fucking CHUMPS next to government-cradled (literally) Finnish babies with their box of diapers and onesies and pacifiers and wipes that turns into a goddamned crib!

For fuck's sake, American babies! Get your thumbs out of your mouths, your hands out of your diapers, and quit crying before all the millions of Chinese babies hear about this shit and take your jobs.

1 comment:

  1. Every new mom in our local hospital gets a similar Baby Box bc of the work we do at the Foundation: )
    https://www.facebook.com/BartlettRegionalHospitalFoundation/posts/1037685109645973

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