Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Boulder Style Memo

There's a uniform here in Boulder, CO, and needless to say I didn't get the memo before we showed up here for a week's vacation with my in-laws.

Boulder, CO--whose theme song could be "Whiter Shade of Pale" based on the racial and ethnic diversity index--definitely has a uniform, and from what I can tell, this is it:

Women: Skort made from some sort of hi-tech "performance" fabric; racer-back tank top made from the same material; long, straight high ponytail; ankle socks with sneakers OR Tevas/Chacos; total full-body tan and 0% body fat; big dog on a leash. Alternatively, you can be a hippie with the same basic stuff noted above but in a long dress with a nose ring and dreadlocks.

Men: "Manpri" Capri pants; form-fitting T-shirt that says something like "Rocky Mountain 100K," making it clear that the wearer ran or biked an obscene distance one time and probably all the time; Tevas; designer sunglasses on a rubber necklace; trucker hat; full body tan and 0% body fat; dog on a leash. Alternatively, you can be a hippie and in all the same stuff mentioned above except also with earring plugs and dreadlocks.

Me: Mom shorts AND Mom sandals. Hand-me-down T-shirt from a friend who is both younger and thinner than me. Alaska/lazy ghostly white pallor and terrible eczema; not 0% body fat.

I won't lie: This place is KINDA bad for my self esteem. It's like a black hole of self-hatred with a lot of upscale organic supermarkets and cars with kayaks and bikes strapped to the top for good measure. You know, just in case I didn't hate myself enough after the skort and racer-back tank top. 


1 comment:

  1. This one hit the nail on the head! Ok, so I came across this blog by clicking on one of your movie reviews, since I was in stitches, I decided to browse your topics. As your blog promises, I've laughed, I've cried (laughing) and while my lazy ass is sitting inside watching garbage on tv, I feel better about myself!

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