Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Brock Turner Case Keeps Getting Better and Better (a.k.a. Worse and Worse)

It's another day, which means another gallon of raw sewage has burbled up from the fetid cesspool known as the Brock Turner rape case

In case you're unfamiliar with this story, let me invoke a common evidentiary term and "refresh your recollection."

This is the felony sexual assault trial in which "Promising-All-American-Golden-Boy-Stanford-Swim-Star-With-Bright-Future-Suffering-From-Slightly-Bad-Judgment-Thanks-to-a-Keg-Party" Brock Turner was convicted by a unanimous jury of his peers of three sexual assault felonies after raping "Intoxicated-Unconscious-Woman-With-Checkered-Past-Wearing-a-Beige-Cardigan" behind a dumpster near a frat house on the Stanford University campus early last year.

The prosecution sought a six year prison term. But thanks to a sympathetic judge who shared Brock's three relevant sentencing traits of white skin, a dick, and matriculation at Stanford, Brock got a sentence roughly equivalent to Lindsay Lohan's last stint for "exhaustion" at Promises of Malibu.

After considering a letter from Brock's dad, Dan Turner, mourning his son's loss of appetite for pretzels in the wake of becoming a convicted rapist, the judge apparently ignored what he called the victim's "eloquent" 12-page, single-spaced plea for proper punishment and instead seems to have elevated this AMAZING one-page, not-quite-as-eloquent letter from Leslie Rasmussen, one of Brock's childhood friend-pologists, instead.

You can read Leslie's whole letter at the last link above, but as I did for Dan Turner yesterday, let me just break down a few of Leslie's best points that in my not-even-remotely-humble opinion deserve special recognition and elaboration:

1. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that alcohol increases emotions and feelings.": But apparently it does take a rocket scientist to know that a fifth of Jack Daniels doesn't have a dick and balls, so it can't rape anyone. Leslie: I've just forwarded your letter to Neil deGrasse Tyson and he wants you to apply for an internship at NASA.

2. "I think this is all a huge misunderstanding.": If by "huge misunderstanding" you mean, "digitally penetrating and humping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster and running away when two bikers interrupted a felony in progress, detaining the perpetrator until police arrived," then yes, this is all a HUGE misunderstanding.

3. "I think that the bikers who found him did the right thing by keeping him there in case he was attempting rape, but after the investigation, it should have found Brock to be innocent.": You mean like roughly 97% of all other rape investigations. Too bad Brock got caught up in the unlucky 3% that go all the way to trial and end in a conviction.

4. "I don't think it's fair to base the fate of the next ten + years of his life on the decision of a girl who doesn't remember anything but the amount she drank to press charges against him.": OMG. So true! It's so unfair for Brock to suffer the consequences of an unconscious woman's "decision" to be raped behind a dumpster and rescued by two passersby mid-assault. Because that was her decision, and what Brock did was . . . what? Hmm. I guess "not a decision." And if you're referring only to her "decision" to press charges, you're right. She has a lot of nerve assisting in a prosecution for a sexual assault committed against her, since we all know how well those usually turn out for the victim (see also: this very case).

5. "I am not blaming her directly for this, because that isn't right.": Except you are. But assuming you're not, let's blame her indirectly instead. Because that's right.

6. "But where do we draw the line and stop worrying about being politically correct every second of the day and see that rape on campuses isn't always because people are rapists.": You must have majored in 20th century Belgian surrealism, because this sentence is like that Magritte painting called "The Treachery of Images." You know, the one of a big pipe that says in French right under it, "This is Not a Pipe." Rape by definition is . . . um . . . rape. Seriously, what the actual fuck are you even saying here? Oh wait. You're saying that prosecuting rapists is "political correctness" run amok. Granted. But in answer to your question, "where do we draw the line?," let's just draw it at a dumpster rape and call it good. M'kay?

7. "This is completely different from a woman getting kidnapped and raped as she is walking to her car in a parking lot. That is a rapist. These are not rapists.": Right. Because DUH! All rapists are strangers who kidnap women in a dark parking lot on the way to their cars (since parking lots are materially different from dumpsters for raping purposes). Just like all thieves look exactly like the Hamburglar with a black and white striped jumper and an eye mask, carrying a big sack of gold coins with a "$" sign on it. This is real life, not a fucking McDonald's Happy Meal.

Leslie needs to wake the fuck up. Maybe she's suffering from some bizarre form of Stockholm Syndrome and feels the need to publicly defend convicted rapists for some reason. I just hope for her sake that she's not like me and/or literally almost every woman on earth who has either: (a) been raped; and/or (b) pretty scared she was about to be.

Lucky Leslie.


Brock Turner's Mugshot. "D'AWWWWW!"

1 comment:

  1. brock is a pathetic excuse for a human being!! but in this country he had two "GET OUT OF JAIL" cards!! ONE- he's got MONEY! TWO- he's a WHITE MALE! trust me, if a black or hispanic male of little or no financial means were in the same situation, the judge would have ripped them a new one and proceeded to sentence them to 20 YEARS PLUS!!!

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