Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Mass Shooting Bingo

After Sandy Hook, it became abundantly clear that Congress is perfectly content to let every single man, woman, and kindergartner in the nation die in a bloody hail of semi-automatic civilian gunfire while Wayne LaPierre does everything short of give each sitting senator and representative a new BMW and a hand job in exchange for the lives of the people they allegedly represent.

So.

Given that Orlando was the 133rd mass shooting tragedy in 2016, and the response has predictably been NOT ONE IOTA DIFFERENT from the 132 mass shootings that preceded it, it's time to prepare for the next mass shooting, which at this rate is likely to occur shortly after I put a period at the end of this sentence.

In the meantime, America should just hang a sign on the Washington Monument like the kind you see in factories: "It's been [BLANK] days since the last mass shooting with assault weapons!" 

Today we can tragically fill that sign in with the number "2."

So next time (i.e very soon), save yourself the trouble of watching wall-to-wall cable news coverage and surfing the internet while weeping for five days straight, and just use this handy bingo card to track 'Murica's response and see if I'm wrong. 

You are guaranteed to get BINGO in exactly 24 hours or less.

Let's be honest: A little gallows humor never hurt anyone. But ya know what did? A fucking assault rifle, the sole purpose of which is to commit murder.

True story, 'Murica!

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