Friday, June 17, 2016

I Don't Want to Brag, Buuuuuut . . .

I knew my day was off to a good start when I went to check in for my flight and discovered that seat 19D had magically transformed into seat 2C overnight. 

Now, instead of wondering if my affairs are in order in the tail section of the Alaska Airlines jet to Anchorage, a flight attendant would hand me a warm washcloth with plastic tongs and warm nuts (of the traditionally edible variety, one would hope), in the comfort of my luxurious and most importantly free first class upgrade.

But I couldn't have anticipated this, an intrepid piece of driving and coffee drinking never before witnessed in modern times.

I don't want to brag, but I backed down my 75 degree slope of a driveway with my left hand on the steering wheel and a NON-TRAVEL MUG of coffee in my right without spilling one drop in my car OR on myself!

In order to appreciate the magnitude of this achievement, you need to understand that few souls are brave enough to attempt reverse on this driveway, especially in winter. 

Granted this is summer, but the dashboard of my 2005 Subaru and its 130,000 mile odometer is a documented narrative of morning coffee spills, as is at least half my wardrobe.

It's especially impressive, because I was distracted thinking about my most recent post in which I got angro (angry and aggressive) about reformed homophobes getting too much credit simply for not being huge dicks.

I was considering doing a follow-up post softening and qualifying my stance on this issue, but when I reached the bottom of my driveway having achieved the impossible, I decided that this was a sign from the universe to stick to my original position and tone on the matter.

So again, I don't mean to brag but it's not even 7:00 a.m. and I've already backed down a steep driveway one-handed without adding any new dents to my car OR spilling any coffee from an open mug AND remained resolute in my angro sanctimony.


1 comment:

  1. The only time that has ever happened to me was on a flight to Adak. There was me and one other person (Adak mover and shaker) on board and this other invited me up. The steward was equally gracious and I shamelessly took advantage of the bar.

    Oh, I'm glad you didn't change your mind about dicks.

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