Thursday, June 16, 2016

5 Easy and Healthy Weekday Lunches That Will Definitely Give You Explosive Diarrhea if That's What You're Into for Some Reason

If you're anything like me, you don't have the time or money for lunch on-the-go at work, and you're too lazy and disgusted with the contents of your refrigerator to bring leftovers from home. But it's a dilemma, because you ALSO love almost shitting your pants.

Once again, O.H.M. is here to save the day with these five easy, healthy, weekday lunches that will definitely give you explosive diarrhea if that's what you're into for some reason.

1. Bag of Cherries: Cherries are in season, and this fresh, wholesome fruit is chock full of antioxidants. Eat an entire 16 ounce bag in one sitting, wait 20 minutes, and you'll be super sad you have three back-to-back afternoon meetings!

2. Kale Smoothie: Kale is one of the healthiest leafy green vegetables around. Full of vitamins and minerals, try it in a blended smoothie for a nutrition-packed treat that looks, tastes, and feels exactly the same way going out as it does going down!

3. Pan Roasted Root Veggies: Hearty cabbage, Brussels sprouts, beets, and yams are colorful gifts to your body, despite the counterintuitive fact that they will make you shart up your undies every time you read an email between 1:00 and 5:00 p.m. A small price to pay for good health!

4. Crackers with Nut Butter: After you say "nut butter" like Beavis and Butthead, stop laughing and put some cashew or almond butter on a cracker! The cracker is binding, but not enough to counteract the powerful forces that these protein-packed legumes will unleash on your G.I. tract during that all-text power point presentation!

5. Toothpaste: If you're really in a rush and you want your breath to smell minty fresh, just squeeze a dime-sized amount of toothpaste directly onto your tongue, slosh it around mixed with saliva, and swallow. T-minus 40 until you're on the can for the rest of the day!

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