Saturday, May 21, 2016

The Tyranny of Tee Ball

Inside/outside my head during Isaac's one hour morning tee-ball game:

11:00-11:05: Wow, this is actually super FUN! The kids are soooooo cute! OMG I can't stand how cute their uniforms are! And how many places can you watch tee ball in front of a glacier? This isn't so bad!

11:05-11:10: "Moooom, I'm bored." "Paige, I can't tell you how much more boring being an adult is than watching this tee ball game for an hour. Think about all the times Isaac has sat through your various activities and lessons. Go read a book."

11:10-11:15: Why did Isaac just come up to the fence and wag his finger in a "no" gesture when I tried to cheer him on? Fuck, is he embarrassed of his mom already?

11:15-11:20: God, this really IS kind of boring. I secretly hate baseball and all baseball-esque games. How can I still hate baseball after spending my whole life around dudes who love baseball?

11:20-11:25: Shit. I have to pee and there are only port-o-potties. Should I do it? No. Yes. No. Yes. Fuckit. I'm going for it. Hold your breath don't look down hold your breath don't look down hold your breath don't look...

11:25-11:30: Whew. That wasn't so bad. OMG whaaaat? It's only 11:30?!

11:30-11:40: "Moooooom, is this over yet?!" "Um, I don't know how to break this to you. There's half an hour left." "Nooooooo!!!"

11:40-11:45: "I'm going to the car." "Paige, no you're not. It's a beautiful day out and you have workbooks and stuff to do. Get over yourself."

11:45-11:50: I can't believe this is still going on. I mean they're cute, but seriously. This is a LOT now.

11:50-12:00: Finally! It's over. Let's go. "Wasn't that awesome?" "Uh, sure Geoff. Nice job Isaac! Let's get in the car." OMG I love this song. I wonder how old Justin Bieber's mom is. I've heard she's young. I think I'm old enough to be Justin Bieber's moth--HEY!! THAT GUY JUST CUT MY ASS OFF!" "What does 'cut my ass off mean?'" "Nevermind, Isaac. Nevermind."

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