Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Answer to Climate Change Has Been in Front of Us All Along, and Its Name is Scott Baio

Readers may recall that current Z-lister, Nobel Prize winning climate scientist, and inevitable Dancing With the Has-Beens Stars contestant Scott Baio recently endorsed Donald Trump for President, and that this changed everything

Well, today the scientific community is agog with mortification and relief. Mortification, because the answer to climate change has been so obvious all along. And relief, because a solution to the greatest threat facing planet earth since the atomic age has at last been solved by none other than the star of Happy Days, Chachi Loves Joanie, and Charles in Charge!

Earlier this week, Scott Baio took to Twitter to address Global Warming directly by appealing to its non-existence:

Although Global Warming has not officially responded (on Twitter or otherwise), I think we can all conclude from its radio silence that Scott Baio viewing snow in the mountains while playing golf in California is definitive proof that climate change does not exist and/or has been resolved. 

Global Warming could not be reached for comment on whether it found Mr. Baio's tweet "funny" as in "odd," or "funny" as in "haha." Mr. Baio could not be reached for comment to confirm or deny whether he was wearing his signature "wife-beater" undershirt while getting a tan over the course of the four days referenced in his groundbreaking tweet.

As of press time, Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations, was calling an emergency summit in Paris to discuss the impact of Mr. Baio's startling findings.

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