Sunday, April 17, 2016

How to Fix a Broken Smoke Detector

1. Hear high-pitched intermittent chirp for 10th time this week.
2. Ignore high-pitched intermittent chirp and tell yourself you probably didn't hear what you think you did.
3. Hear (now unmistakeable) high pitched intermittent chirp again.
4. Briefly consider and promptly dismiss the idea there could actually be a fire.
5. Confirm #5 just to play it safe.
6. Grab broom stick.
7. Skulk around house waiting for next chirp so you can locate it with your mammalian sonar.
8. Hear next chirp and immediately track it to one of a dozen mysteriously interconnected smoke detectors that is NOT chirping.
9. Repeat steps 7 and 8 until real source of chirp is found.
10. Using broom handle, press down on test/reset button.
11. Hear even louder, longer chirp.
12. Wait 30 seconds.
13. Hear chirp from same smoke detector again.
14. Climb up on stool and remove battery.
15. CHIRP.
16. Yank the obviously-haunted-because-how-the-fuck-is-this-still working-without-a-battery-in-it smoke detector off the ceiling in a rage.
17. CHIRP!!
18. Throw smoke detector very hard out front door until it smashes on deck and finally stops chirping.

Smoke detector fixed!

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