Friday, March 25, 2016

Big Dicks and Hot Wives: The Mask Finally Slips Off the Race for BROTUS

2016 is going down in history as the election in which the mask finally slipped off the race for BROTUS, by which I mean, the size of a candidate's dick and the hotness of his wife have been brought out of the subtext and into the foreskin text of presidential debate.

Let's step back for a minute and ask ourselves this: Is it really so crazy to think that Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Donald Trump, by turns, spent the better part of a year publicly boasting like peacocks about the size of their penises, their virility, and the sexiness of their respective wives?

Sadly no.


A friend of mine pointed out that dick size and wife hotness have been a subtext of what has been more or less exclusively bro-based presidential campaigning for decades. Jackie O. and Michelle Obama were consistently praised for their good looks. And despite being brilliant and highly-educated women, not much else, let's be honest. Eleanor Roosevelt, by contrast, was blasted for being a dog, and I bet you can't remember a whole lot else about her without resorting to Google. 

Basically how FLOTUS looks is the number one most important thing about her, whether anyone admits it out loud or not. So with the theme of this election being "let's all speak our minds," it really isn't that shocking that candidates are outright tweeting side-by-sides of each others' wives as a proxy for presidential aptitude.

Same with the dick measurements. Guns, missles, aggression, all of it is a proxy for phallic, dickish leadership and ability, even though it's well documented that dicks with vaginas (see, e.g., Margaret Thatcher) have been perfectly capable of dicking their way through democracy. 

So I'm not saying that I heart Hillary or that having a woman president is necessarily the answer to all of this.

All I'm saying is that we've never had real, meaningful, impactful, high-level female leadership in this country at all, and look at where we are. Is it all the bros' fault? Surely not. But maybe we need fewer big dicks and hot wives in our public debate. And perhaps that change can only come from more people with vaginas and husbands (or wives) getting some real skin--not just foreskin--in the game.



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