Thursday, February 4, 2016

Pair of Titties Once Again Causes Outsized Controversy Among Hypocritical Douchebags

There's no apparent end to the offense titties can cause, and once again, a pair of them has broken the internet in a controversy for (and of) the ages. 

ICYMI, Susan Sarandon, age 69 (!) had the balls/tits to wear an outfit to the SAG awards that showed her old, haggard, SAG-gy (get it?) cleavage for all the world and God to see. Everyone (mostly dudes, natch), jumped all over Susan on social media for burning people's eyeballs with her hideous old lady boobs. Never mind the fact that Susan's tits look 800 times better at age 69 than mine ever did at any age, because that’s beside the point.

What matters is that Susan's controversial d├ęcolletage pissed off Piers Morgan, 50, British TV personality, so-called journalist, winner of Celebrity Apprentice, judge of America's Got Talent and Britain's Got Talent, perpetrator in controversial phone hacking scandal, and all around ruddy-faced douchebag whose voice and likeness continue to torment the public on two continents.

Piers didn’t like that Susan gave an "in memoriam" tribute with her cleavage out, accusing her of “deliberately flaunting [her] breasts on TV for publicity, during a tribute to dead stars.”

Says the man whose entire career is based around flaunting himself on TV for publicity and who, during his tenure as editor of a British tabloid, was found by a judge to have been “aware that [criminal hacking into celebrities' cell phones] was taking place and was sufficiently unembarrassed by what was criminal behavior that he was prepared to joke about it.”

After principled Piers scolded Susan for too much titty, the two celebs got into a mini Tweet beef in which Susan tweeted a pic of herself from the Rocky Horror Picture Show wearing only a bra, and Piers clarified "just for the record" that he thinks Susan's cleavage is "magnificent" but she should just "keep it hidden for in memoriam tributes."

Thanks Piers! 

If it weren't for Piers mansplaining when and where women are allowed to expose part or all of their breasts, I don't know how we'd ever find decorum. 

Now that Piers has given Susan permission she doesn't need for something that's none of his business, he can spend the second 50 years of his life making Viagra commercials and enjoying the privilege of an old age devoid of accusation that he looks anything other than distinguished and sophisticated.

Slow clap.

 Piers Morgan and Susan Sarandon Are Having a Battle of the Boobs Via Twitter

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