Thursday, January 7, 2016

Two Fruitless Dialogues With Children

Dialogue #1: Old Age

Me: Which one of you is going to take care of me when I'm an old lady?
Paige: I will, because Isaac will probably be drunk all the time.
Me: Wait ... What?
Isaac: NO I WON'T, PAIGE!!
Me: [muttering] I shouldn't have brought this up.
[a scuffle ensues]
Isaac: [wailing] MOM! PAIGE PUSHED MY HEAD DOWN LIKE A SCREW!!

Dialogue #2: Reading Harry Potter

Me: "It was Hagrid, said Harry."
Isaac: What was Hagrid?
Me: Hagrid who made Harry and Hermione late.
Isaac: Late for what?
Paige: ISAAC!!!! 
Me: It's OK honey, let him ask questions. He's a little young for these books.
Paige: But we're never going to finish the chaaaaahhhpppterr if he keeps interuuuuuptiiiiing!!!
Me: "Ron's carefully ruffled hair seemed to wilt with disappointment."
Isaac: What does wilt mean?
Paige: JUST LISTEN AND MAYBE YOU'LL FIND OUT.
Me: No you won't. It means "to fall down limply."
Isaac: What does "limply" mean?
Paige: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Me: [Sighs audibly]

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