Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Pair of Titties Deeply Offends People Watching Young Men Violently Inflict Permanent Brain Damage on Each Other to Enrich Corporate Executives

For the "this-should-surprise-no-one" files, something caused a BIG stir at Monday's College Football Playoff Championship game between Alabama and Clemson, and it was . . . wait for it . . . a pair of titties!

Popstar Ciara and #1 bae of Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson belted out the National Anthem to much acclaim, but zillions of sports commentators said her dress was "inappropriate" for the vaunted occasion because it exposed too much boob. 

"Why distract with nudity?" asked one principled gentleman from high atop his puritanical horse at Fox regarding Ciara's "inappropriate" dress. "You're stunning," said another former-ESPN reporter, "But this is a National Championship Game. Kids are watching. Cover up."

I know, right? 

This is a National Championship Game. Kids are watching! And we wouldn't want those kids to see a TITTY. Because unlike guns, neither titties nor female nipples--nor even a SHADOW of a female nipple--should be seen anywhere in public. And that is ESPECIALLY true when the public venue in question is the wholesome, family-friendly environment known as a college football stadium full of cursing, screaming, intoxicated lunatics.

It's such a family affair, the way "student" athletes are sold to the highest bidder and generate literally billions of dollars for universities and private corporations, while making zero on-the-books dollars themselves.

It's also such good, clean fun the way grown men beat the living shit out of each other, inflicting permanent brain damage and destroying their bodies until they are used-up, broken-down carcasses. 

Not to mention the off-field antics of the players, some of whom have been known to shoplift, brandish weapons, rape and assault women, and all sorts of other civic good deeds--to the point where the Fox Sports College Football Blog literally made a list last August of the "fifty most arrested college football teams in America," and in answer to the question "how often are football players doing illegal things?,"Fox Sports answers with the statistic: "Like every hour of every day."

M'kay.

So I guess Ciara's revealing dress almost sullied the purity of college football. I'm not saying college football is bad, but it's certainly a whole lot less wholesome than Ciara's scantily-clad titties.

One of the reporters who freaked out over Ciara's dress told critics to "grow up." But if you think a nipple is the thing about college football that's going to be a bad influence on kids, then I think you're the one who's got some growing up to do.

2 comments:

  1. I would love to know what commercials were shown during this game. I am sure there were some scantily clad women featured somewhere. And her outfit shows no less skin than the average cheerleader...

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  2. Forgive me for being off topic, but I saw this very import story about El Chapo's shirt. It calls out for your attention.
    http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/13/us/el-chapo-shirts/.

    ReplyDelete