Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Is This All You Got?! C'mon, Juneau! BRING THE PAIN!

Ok, listen up, Juneau.

I'm looking out my window right now, and I gotta say: I think you can do better than this. A LOT better.

Your sideways rain is only at a 45 degree angle, when you and I both know that it could and should be at a 180 degree angle perpendicular to the sidewalk. Likewise and somewhat related: Your base wind is currently at 30 mph, with gusts to 50 when you are more than capable of delivering a base 50 mph wind with gusts to 100.

Looking at the ten day forecast, I see some lowering temperatures that threaten to turn a winter full of rain back into some much-preferred-by-residents snow. Well, all I can say is this is straight up BULLSHIT! 

You can do better than this! Your unique ability to inflict weather-based misery is not adequately reflected in the current weather conditions, at which you are slacking off considerably. They are miserable, but not NEARLY miserable enough. You've been hovering in the mid 30's, but in order to ensure maximum misery, I'd like to see that come up just a little--like an average temp of 40 in January, just to make sure everyone is as depressed as humanly possible.

On my way to work this morning, I almost got knocked over ten times and my hair was damp. I want to almost get knocked over TWENTY times and I want my hair to look like I just SWAM to my desk!

Please Juneau. Get your act together before it's too late. Your reputation is at stake. To paraphrase Al Pacino in Carlito's Way: You think you're big time? THEN MAKE THE WEATHER FUCKIN' SUCK BIG TIME!!!!

Sincerely,

One Hot Mess


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