Tuesday, January 26, 2016

I Will Not Feel Loved Until My Husband Tattoos His Forearm With a Highly Detailed Portrait of Me

Anyone who knows me (much less been romantically involved with me) knows how I cringe at romance. Neither flowers nor jewelry nor fancy dinners get my motor running whatsoever.

But what does do it for me is someone tattooing a highly detailed portrait of me on their forearm. 

To me, there is no greater expression of true love than my husband printing a picture of me off iPhoto, cutting it out, and taking it to a tattoo shop while he sits there for five hours as my likeness is indelibly impressed upon his forearm painfully and for all eternity at the cost of an unknown number of dollars.

That's what Manny Machado, the star third baseman for the Baltimore Orioles did for his wife, Yainee Alonso. See?:


Machado took to Instagram to announce his new ink with what--based on the hashtags and number of exclamation points-- can only be described as GREAT enthusiasm: 

Happy anniversary to my one true love!!!You are my rock, my soulmate, & my everything!!!!! You will always have my heart & soul and I will forever have yours !!! #alwaysandforever #doubleinfinity #kingandqueen
DOUBLE INFINITY!? That's a long time! It's doubtful that the 22 year-old baseball phenom will ever live to regret this.

And that's exactly what I expect my husband to do for me: Follow Manny Machado's example, or suffer the consequences. Geoff: if you're reading this, I've given you a head start with the art work to take over to High Tide Tattoo here in downtown Juneau:


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