Sunday, December 27, 2015

Go Home, Vladimir Putin. You're Drunk.

So . . . Vladimir Putin made a beefcake calendar--or, as they say in Russian, a "govyadina tort" calendar. 

For reals, Yo. 

Per The Daily Mail, each month of 2016 will bring you a hunky shot of the Russian Dictesident (dictator/president) snuggling a puppy, sniffing a flower, or fishing shirtless with his man-boobs--or, as they say in Russian, sis'ki chelovek--hanging wild and free. Each photo is accompanied by a "nationalistic quote" of some kind.

Well, if this isn't the sexiest thing since Anthony Kiedis put his cock in a sock on the cover of Rolling Stone. And just like Rolling Stone, the clear target audience for this calendar is heterosexual women. 

Wait . . . Hang on . . . I think February is making me a little rogovoy (that's "horny" in Russian).

Vladimir Putin just seriously upped the ante for closeted gay homophobic violent dictators and politicians everywhere. If Stalin or Idi Amin were still alive, I'm sure they would have commissioned one of these for their "fans." Just look at that big picture in the middle--it's his famous pants-sharting face and man is it SMOKIN!  

Fuck it. 

This calendar thing is going to replace the Town Hall Meeting for the 2016 presidential election. I can't wait to see what Marc Rubio and Donald Trump do with June and July.

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