But back to my earliest memory.
I can see it now, like a sepia-toned snapshot from 1979. I'm two years old and I'm standing against the doorframe of my childhood bedroom in the apartment where my parents still live today. I was wearing nothing but a plain white off-brand pull-up. (This was before the time when you couldn't help but make every part of your child's body--including their ass--a walking/crawling billboard for Disney-Pixar).
I had a little red, plastic potty chair and I knew how to use it. But I didn't want to, was the thing. Even at that young age, I knew instinctively that you should always, ALWAYS shit in your pants and let someone else change them if you could get away with it.
That's an instinct I seem to have lost over time, forgetting that the world's most successful people do some metaphorical version of this all their lives. Like probably the very same people who invented this Baby Einstein iPad potty.
And that's why I never got rich on Baby Einstein iPad potties.